What Do I Do With This Sense of Senselessness?

I don't remember a world before 9/11. There are scattered memories from before, but I have never known of a world before that day. The world I know started then, the day I stood next to my mothers, watching their pain and sorrow. 

I can't help but wonder, have I adapted to live under this immense amount of stress, fear and anxiety of our modern world? Over our shaky future? Or is this just how life is? When people study this time period in history, will they sit and wonder how we made it through day-to-day life? Will they silently thank god that they were born well after this period? 

The more I think about it, the more I struggle to find an answer. Have we adapted to being immune? Have we learned to not think about the unnatural deaths that plagues our country and planet? We watch these shootings happen, we watch them happen at schools, night clubs, theaters, places of worship, places that are meant to be safe for us, and we move on. Some shootings are even brushed over. Almost like we don't have the energy to mourn. But do we? Do we have the energy, the ability, to acknowledge and mourn? And it's not just shootings. It's bombings, it's attacks on public crowds with semi-trucks. It's citizens being murdered by those meant to serve and protect them. It's the refugees who no one wants to offer a helping hand to. It's an overwhelming amount of pain and suffering, and nothing is being done.

But we've seemed to learn to not think about it.

The number of gun violence victims. But don't think about it. The number of gun violence survivors who have not and will not receive the care they so rightfully deserve. But don't think about. The number of children in this country alone, living in extreme poverty. But don't think about it. The millions of Americans who will lose their healthcare, no matter how dire they need it. But don't think about it. The swastikas painted on sides of synagogues. But don't think about it. The millions of Americans who are in actual fear of what these next 4 years could bring. But don't think about it. 

So... What do I do? What do I do with this sense of.... This sense of senselessness? I couldn't possibility allow myself to process the state of the world, I don't think I could get out bed. But I don't want to be numb. I don't want to accept things as out of my control. I don't want this to be normal. And I can't just 'look at all the good in the world'. Yes, there is good, there is joy and love. But I cannot turn a blind eye to the suffering and fear.  

All I know, no matter what, I will not be silent. No matter the fear, the anxiety, the pain of this world, I will not be silent, I cannot and will not sit by and watch. This country, this planet, belongs to all. We are humans, and we all deserve a chance.

I was ready for the first female president. I was ready to make history. But not like this.